On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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