My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
