He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
