The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
