God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
MIDGETS
????
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
