I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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