I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
