Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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