I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize