I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have aggressive nipples.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize