Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
