I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
