Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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