omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
