just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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