Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
