I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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