Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
