Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
