bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
