i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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