Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
