wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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