3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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