I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
