I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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