I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
