A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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