one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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