State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
