no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
