Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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