around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
my poor anus
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
