Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
