it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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