Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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