I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
