if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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