We won't sleep together?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
