I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
