I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
