the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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