I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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