So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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