Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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