How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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