Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
