I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
