please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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