You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
