He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We are two peas in an std pod
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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