Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
