wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
