I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
