Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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