Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
