hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
