Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
