I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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