CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
