she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
