Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
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