ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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