I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
