I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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