If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The feeling are messing with the penis
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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