Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
