i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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