Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you didnt know i had herpes?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
